Sugar, I believe it's taken over my life...

I think I need to cut it out... well cut back.... sorta.

and that statement says it all.

I know I eat too much sugar, refined, processed, sweet, glorious sugar. I like white sugar from beets in my baking; raw cane sugar in special treats and sweets I make; Confectioner's sugar to lightly dust the tops of earlier mentioned sweets... plus Butter Cream Icing is God's gift to my Cupcakes; Brown sugar for my cereal, and baking; Dextrose in most of the processed food I try to avoid, but not really; Corn syrup in cooking, and on my pancakes, Oh it's distant cousin, high fructose corn syrup which is in Practically Everything; Fructose/Fruit, see this is the tricky part, I love Fruit - but its Uber full of Sugar!; Honey, the sweet nectar of the gods, for my tea; Inverted sugar in the middle of Caramilk…; Maple syrup on pancakes, waffles and in a few recipes; Molasses, which is not my favorite in most things, but I like it plain in a spoon (a small spoon); Turbinado, raw sugar goodness.

See I wasn't sure I was really in trouble, til I wrote that off the top of my head... know anyone else who can name off that many types of sugar?

I suppose I need to pull it together and cut it out... a Sugar Fast, or some sort of cleanse-y type thing...

A Lot to Process - and Maybe get my Butt in Gear!

I've been stuck inside... for about a week. Both Matthew and I have been battling a fierce cold. I've had it for almost a month and a half, he's just sorta playing with it. I think that I'm better , and a day latter I'm back to square one. This time around it's settled in my chest. Yuck Much.

We've been trapped at home for a week. Well, that's not entirely true, I was out for church, and then this one trip to the city... but it nearly killed me... so I've made up for the outings by making homemade chicken soup, and staying in my jammies for days. Physically I've had to slow down, because everything stopped.

Mentally I'm at my end. I feel out of control, not in a 'crazy' and aggressive way, but in a Passive, and all control is taken from me sort of way. I'm not a control freak, don't get me wrong. I, in fact, prefer to not be in control of most things; even though I'm a Type A personality. But I do want some control in my life. I don't want to be a spectator. I enjoy being apart of something, to be an active member of life, community, church, marriage, parenthood... womanhood even.

I don't have a realm of 'my space'. What in my life is mine? Where are my responsibilities, and what is my role?

Spiritually, Wow, is God working on me... It's like he's working on the sick side of my soul. I've been hiding from my own fears for the last couple of months. My life has been so about being Matthew's mother, and living in that blessing that I pushed aside all the things that God has been teaching me.

I guess we forget that God can Bless you, and want you to walk in that blessing, but not forget, or disregard the fact that He's working on you.

My forgetting was about self. About His view of Me. I forget that I'm loved. I forget I'm a loveable.

Self Esteem is linked to Spirituality, whether we want it to be or not. If you don't believe you exist for a reason, that something 'great' created you, then you become 'just like everyone else' you are just a 'mistake that grew from slime' you simply exist, and one day you won't... sad. You would judge yourself by humanity's standard... which is constantly changing, which is rooted in selfishness, and destruction, and you change based on what Others want you to be.

See here's the tougher stuff.... you say to me... "Shannon, what about being Me for Me?"... Well If I did not have faith in a God who created me, then currently I wouldn't' want to be me for me. We forget that we are flawed, we are corrupt and toss like the waves. I'm not steady enough to be the standard of myself.

We are not Good, I have yet to meet the prefect human. As much as society is wrong, and selfish, Society is just a bunch of people. we are individuals, but not independent. If we change ourselves, for simple ourselves, we are pressured by our culture, our time, our environment... so we can't be independently independent.

Because I believe in a 'greater', in something beyond myself, I believe that 'the greater' (Who we will call God) ( and who wants a personal relationship with each of us, as I believe...) has created me. Not by mistake, and not by accident, and not 'just because he had nothing to do on the sixth day'. That alone is a huge deal in regards to my self worth, and self esteem. God made me, He knew me in my mothers womb, he Created me in His image. But more than just being part of his creation He has good planned for me, I am his favored, and the Apple of his eye. He is the standard by which I can compare my life, my mind, body and soul...

And yet I don't feel it or see it right now. I believe it, but don't think about it.. It's like I'm covered in a fog. When I'm standing in front of a mirror, Feeling lost, laying in bed at midnight; Worn out and tired, holding Matty; or crying in the shower I just can't seem to remember it...

I often ignore / forget that God gave me David, and that when I feel unloved, David's love and perspective of 'me' is something... It counts for something. It's worth something because my husband loves me, with a God like Love, and Loves me with a humanistic love - that when he says I'm beautiful, I should actually listen.. not just smile and toss aside. That I should hear it.

I guess I don't hear the words, and I can ignore the actions... I can dismiss the feeling...

I'm still working on Me...

6 months later

so it's been half a year - and the only thing that has changed is I have a baby... still sorta round, still trying to change my eating lifestyle so taht I'm not dieting to change me - -but just changing me ..

Robin and I are back at the gym - but with storms and motherhood - not as often. We've decided that in Feb we'll move to the outdoors... going for walks at the neighborhood pond, and if the weather sucks we'll move indoors to the mall - yes, like the old people.

Also we've roped in Crystal. the weeks she doesn't have her kids we'll be walking up a storm!!

so here it goes... again.....

22 Weeks and Counting

I'm into my 22 week of pregnancy (tomorrow I conclude 22 and I'm onto 23), and it's going so GREAT!!! I just wanted to update and say that I'm very round - I'm getting from big in the belly to basketball under the shirt belly... it's wonderful! God is Good!!

dropping the weight...

Well Pregnancy works for big girls like me. Not that I'm that bi - but I'm not a Skinny Minny... at all. I have curves where I should - so meh... BUT since getting pregnancy, and joining the gym, I've lost a pound or two every week... since stopping the gym, I've still lost a pound or two...

My doctor isn't worried, shes says big girls have it to lose. It will only be a problem at the end of my 2nd,m and into my 3rd trimester.

Since I'm at 14 weeks I hope to level out soon. I've popped - but just a littl Since I'm a big waisted woman, I have a ton of room for baby and the Dr. says I'll pop, but then stay at this size for a little while... then sorta pop again. So I hope to level out with the weight then.

So I'm not at the gym a lot... which i'm Ok with.

Cause... well I'm preggers, and I have to worry about Incubating, not getting fit... so the cool thing is I can still write about being fit and preggers... and I don't have to change the name of this blog. :D

I think I'm quitting the Gym

I've been taking it easy - and I think the best thing to do is quit the gym. I hope they will give me my last 3 months balance... cause I'd like to move the money over... to the pool. I find Aqua-sizing much much better. and I cold do more... for less... and it wouldn't hurt my body.

So here's hoping that maybe I'll be able to drop the hard core, and bump down to soft core... doesn't that sound awful... but it's what I gotta do.

Aqua-sizing three times a week, and belly dancing weekly that will be good!! I think.

Here's hoping that I'll maintain my current weight loss plan.

AquaSizing

It's really fun, and I love it!

Robin and I go Tues. and Thurs. mornings. It's really great, we're with 15 other ladies, and one lovely gentleman. I would guess besides Robin and I, the average age is 54. But that's just a guess.

Its easy on my knees, and I really feel it. It doesn't hurt like after a really hard day at the gym... but you feel it.

Anyways I like that I'm doing things and I like that I like doing them...

Having to slow down..

So going to the gym was wonderfully successful. I was dropping a pound and a half a week... but I have to slow done - my doctors are thinking that I should just take it a little easy - and not push so much - maybe the lack of sleep, the crazy tired... sigh... so I'm cutting back - no heavy lifting, and pushing with the wieghts - I'll drop down some weight - but keep the reps up. I"m doign Aqua Sizing twice a week - which is good!

I'm just hoping to stay healthy - -skinny is not what I'm looking for - but Fit is.

And the reward goes to.. Me

I have hit my goal! I'm ever so proud. 1 1/2lb and a half each week - - it's only week 3 so I hope I can keep it up. I'm really watching my weight and writing a food journal. Robin and I are working at incorporating some weight watchers ideas, like points, into our routine. It would be really nice to have this all ingrained in my brain, so that I just live better, and healthier.

I got a compliment from a lovely lady at our church, saying that I looked like I was losing some weight... so people are noticing - I don't see any results, but I'll just keep hoping....

Hitting the Gym

So Today I'll be hitting the Gym, with Cardio and Weights combo workout. I'm hoping that I can keep losing the 1lb and a half I need to...

I've eaten a little less than normal this weekend, but I didn't really focus on my calories - which I should have, cause even thought I ate a little less than normal, I think my Calories were the same... so - I have to work harder.

Here's Hoping...

I start this week at 219...

Am I gaining?

I don't think so, but I'm not so sure that I'm losing either.

I come home from working out - FAMISHED. I think I'm eating more now, I wish someone had told me sooner - not to Over eat. Yeesh! I knew to watch what I eat, but I didn't really pay that close attention. I will from now on.

Yesterday I ate over 2200 calories. I didn't mean to... I didn't plan on it. This is going to be uber tough. This morning I had some fruit - 150 Cal. It's not lunch yet, and I'm not hungry, yet. This is where it gets tricky - I'll want to eat a lot at Lunch so that I don't eat a TON at dinnertime. See I have this awful habit of eating a lot, late at night. I really need to curb that too, huh?

I've made it a week without Chocolate, well not completely - I had one treat, a slice of cake.. but mostly I avoid it. ... it's actually doable.

I'm not going to the gym today - I had an hour long belly dance practice last night - and tomorrow is our performance. So today is rest day!

And it begins...

I'm pleasantly plump woman, and my favorite quote of the month is...

"I'm fat, But only on the Outside..."

It's Februray 2010.
GOAL: lose 25 lbs by June 2010
Current weekly goal: 1.5 lbs a week.

Height: 6 feet...
Current Weight : 221 (OUCH)


This is going to be tough, but I think it's totally doable.